Isaiah 57:10 - “You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, ‘It is hopeless.’ You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint.”
As I was reading in Isaiah today this verse in particular stuck out to me. It’s a scary thought, isn’t it? That Israel was able to live in it’s deceitful, idolizing, and sinful lifestyle and be able to continue on in it because of it’s own strength. But isn’t that us too? I know for me I do that frequently. I head down a path and when I get weary instead of turning to the Lord for strength… I just sorta rejuvenate myself. And unfortunately, I’m able to do this often without realizing it.
This rejuvenation could come in many forms. Coffee, sleeping, neglecting friends, ungodly introspection, shallow conversation, throwing myself in my schoolwork or my job… anything to just get my mind off of what’s really going on in my heart. And sadly… it works! Well, at least for a little while. But when my sin finally breaks me, it’s only then that I realize what I’ve been doing.
But what does God want from me? He speaks for Himself in vs. 15 - “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”
Coming into a deeper knowledge of just how holy God really is ought to break our hearts at the inner core. Why? Because we come face to face with our nasty, vile, deceptive hearts. His holiness and perfection highlights our sinfulness. But the beauty of it all is that in turn, it highlights God’s mercy and grace on me… his adopted daughter bought into His family through Jesus’ sacrifice.
Israel wasn’t able to turn from it’s sinful ways… it’s ways of following dumb idols and worshiping other ‘gods’ (which weren’t even gods at all). They were able to ‘pull themselves up at the bootstraps’ and continue on in their own strength… which eventually brought them to their destruction.
Some questions: Do you understand this? Have you come to the understanding that your strength is fleeting and fruitless? Have you tasted the beautiful outpouring of God’s strength into you? When you find yourself at the foot of the cross with a lowly and contrite spirit, THAT is where life begins because THAT is where Jesus is able to most fill your life with Himself.
John 15:5 - ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 10:10 - “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
“Basically, we are all responsible for the preservation of our personal joy; but happiness is different. Joy is not circumstantial, happiness is. You can be depressed and still have joy. You can be suicidal and still have joy. We all stop thinking and we all stop talking and we all stop sharing and we all stop creating, because by doing any of these things we quickly find out just how unhappy we are. But that’s okay. That’s normal. Don’t let the fear of unhappiness cripple your pursuit of finding what it is you believe. Since joy is found in belief, we all have to push through unhappiness to find joy. Basically.”
“Grace-driven effort is violent. It is aggressive. The person who understands the gospel understands that, as a new creation, his spiritual nature is in opposition to sin now, and he seeks not just to weaken sin in his life but to outright destroy it. Out of love for Jesus, he wants sin starved to death, and he will hunt and pursue the death of every sin in his heart until he has achieved success.
This is a very different pursuit than simply wanting to be good. It is the result of having transferred one’s affections to Jesus. When God’s love takes hold of us, it powerfully pushes out our own love for other gods and frees our love to flow back to him in true worship. And when we love God, we obey him. The moralist doesn’t operate that way. While true obedience is a result of love, moralistic legalism assumes it works the other way around, that love results from obedience.”
Here’s a small glimpse of the story of what God has done in my life:
My name is Aubrey, 20 years old, about to be a graduate of Ohio State. Born in California and raised in Indiana.
Growing up I knew about Jesus. I prayed every night and before every meal. But I didn’t hear about my need for Him and His grace until fourth grade when I went to my friend’s vacation Bible school. It was during that week that I said the ‘Sinner’s Prayer’ and got my first Bible. I had no idea why everyone there was so stoked for me cause of my prayer I said to God.
That was when I was 10 years old. The next 7 years were some rough ones for me. I was a shy girl, dependent on her friends for identity, marked with depression by 7th grade, prone to self-abuse, pity, and selfishness. I believed no one truly knew me or truly cared for me, so I people-pleased my way into friendships so I could belong. High school started off rough… my freshmen year was immediately tainted with heartbreak. The group I hung out with were into drugs, getting drunk, and dating around. I knew all too well the personal pain of betrayal, and struggled with suicidal thoughts.
That’s when God re-entered my heart. My best friend at the time told me she received Jesus on a mission trip she went on. I told her that was awesome and that I was Christian too (cause, duh, I grew up going to church). I went to her church with her my freshmen year of high school and I felt something I never had before. I needed Jesus! I needed His grace and I needed Him to restore me. That hole in my heart was finally filled after years of feeling like there was a giant piece missing from me. I went to that church with her for four years, and that’s truly when life began for me.
Was I a perfect high schooler from then on out? Heck no. I still struggled with drinking and finding my identity in relationship after relationship after relationship. My depression would kick me in the butt every couple of months and I had no idea what sexual purity looked like. But I kept praying, I kept going to church, God KEPT insisting that He be the One to take care of me, and not myself. I started to read His Word and slowly started to forfeit control over to Him. After 15 years of doing it myself, handing it over was a hard process, but well worth it.
I’ve been in college for three years now and I STILL fight with some of these same issues. But I know now that God’s grace is ENOUGH. Seriously, it is. Jesus says so Himself in 2 Corinthians 12:9. I still struggle with depression, selfishness, self-hatred, and pride, along with many other things. I’m not perfect, but God is. And perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). There’s no condemnation for those who are in Jesus (Romans 8:1). I can fearlessly love God, run to Him, and get Him no matter the circumstance of my life. He fearlessly chases after and fights for me to bring me closer to Him. He disciplines me like a good Father and hangs out with me like a good friend. He speaks truth to me through His love letter, the Bible, and counsels me through my dumb thoughts. He’s not just a band-aid, He’s a healer. He’s the only One who can know your heart, and He’s the One your heart longs for. RUN to Him my friend. (Btw, He’ll beat you to it cause He’s already there waiting).
And that’s how God made my life a whole new life and gave me Himself as the best gift I could’ve ever asked for. He’s marked me with His seal (Eph 1:13) and has claimed me as His own. BOOM
If you have any questions, feel free to message me or email me at bowditch.12@osu.edu. Thanks :)
